Q.

A.

Your desires, your thoughts and the attraction you feel when you see a beautiful girl are not a sin. You cannot avoid physical desires any more than you can avoid having birds flying around your head – but you can certainly prevent them from building nests in your hair!

Yes, God created sexual desires. They are a precious gift from our Creator. But the existence of a desire does not justify the satisfaction of it. Having power does not imply that one should be guided by the power itself... blindly and without restraint.

You ask if that which exists should not be used. Yes, but only in its proper place and time, according to God's plan. Within the divine plan for your life sex is a good thing, a powerful source of life and unity between a man and a woman. Outside of God's plan, sex quickly becomes a means of division, a source of cruelty, perversion and death.

Within God's will, sexual union fulfills its purpose only when it is an expression of love. Going to bed with a girl… loving a girl – these are two completely different things. By going to bed with a girl you have a sexual encounter – but you do not experience love.

“I Love You”

It's true that you can say to a girl, "I love you," but what you really mean is something like: "I don't have time to wait. I want it immediately, without delay. It doesn't matter what happens afterwards. Whether we remain together, whether you become pregnant – that has nothing to do with me. For me, it's right now that count. I will make use of you in order to satisfy my desire. Right now you are my only means by which I can reach my goal. I want to have it – have it without any further ado; have it immediately."

This is the opposite of love, for love wants to give. Love seeks to make the other one happy, and not oneself. For when you say, "I love you" in the above context you are saying, "I love myself and myself only. For this purpose I will use this girl."

Allow me to tell you what it really should mean if a fellow says to a girl, "I love you." It means, "You, you, you. You alone. You are the one for whom I have longed; without you I am incomplete. I will give everything for you and I will give up everything for you, myself as well as all that I possess. I will live for you alone, and I will work for you alone. And I will wait for you – it doesn't matter how long. I will always be patient with you. I will never force you. I will keep you from evil. I want to share with you my thoughts, my heart and my body – all that I possess. I want to listen to what you have to say. There is nothing I want to undertake without your blessing. I want to always remain at your side."

Sex is not Love

Do you understand how far removed sex is from true love? True love involves responsibility – the one for the other and both before God. Where love is, you no longer say "I" but "you"; "I am responsible for you. You are responsible for me." Together then you stand before God where you do not say "you and I" but rather "we". Only in marriage does this "we" become a full reality. Only in marriage can love really unfold and mature, because only there can it find a place to be permanent and faithful. True love never can and never will end. Did you hear that? True love never can and never will end. That's why you should use the powerful words: "I love you" very sparingly. You should save them for the girl whom you intend to marry. Within the boundaries of marriage is the exclusive right place to use your sexual powers. There they will help you to love your wife. They are one expression – one among many others – by means of which you make her understand how much you love her. If you use your sexual powers apart from this kind of love, you are walking outside of the perfect plan God, your Creator, has especially made for your life.